It’s been quite the week of horrors over here at domestic HQ. First, a cockroach invasion in the car and then I discovered nests of spiders (vomit) while packing up the garden furniture for Humberto.

Fortunately, the good people of MAJ’s List have been full of advice. I was on the verge of incinerating the car but after sifting through 200 comments (that’s a real number, cockroaches are emotive!) I came up with the following strategy: buy Harris tablets from Gorham’s, also buy Harris tablets from Gotham’s and hope that Batman is part of the deal. (If you’ve ever typed Gorham’s on Facebook, you’ll notice it defaults to Gotham’s. Ha!)

Also buy a fogger, Baygon and a new health insurance policy that covers for extra carcinogenics. Buy diatomaceous earth, sage, peppermint oil and roach hotels.

Buy new children that don’t eat snacks in the car. Remove/seal all crevices from car. Basically remove the car. Never open the windows (except when airing out the fogger). Consider selling the car. Fail to sell car on eMoo because now EVERYONE KNOWS. Buy a new car anyway, but be too scared to get in it because even water attracts roaches. Walk everywhere. Don’t accept lifts because other people’s cars might have roaches in them too. (This should solve our national obesity crisis, yes?)

As for the spiders, I haven’t unleashed the issue on MAJ’s list yet. Everyone’s too busy giving out hurricane advice which seems to involve things like filling your upright washing machine with ice and beer. Bermudians are pros at hurricanes, but especially hurricane parties. My girls are beyond excited for roasting marshmallows over tea lights.

Also for a sleepover with two cats, two bunnies and three fish. That should work out well alongside a sugar rush. I’ll let you know how it goes next week. Fortunately, there is also wine!!

Jokes aside, apart from the marshmallows I’ve tried to edge the sugar out of the hurricane shopping list. There’s just something about “non-perishable” that seems to give us all a green light to buy junk. But does it really have to be that way?

If you found yourself holed up with some Bacardi Breezers and Cheetos yesterday, then have a little look at the list below and see if you’re willing to make some upgrades. We’re lucky in Bermuda, our lives really aren’t at risk from hurricanes — so let’s look after them. (PS Nutrifit and Beat the Couch start next week. I’m so excited, check the details online!)

Have a healthy Hurricane — quick tips:

1, Choose healthy party drinks

If you are getting through the hurricane with an alcoholic drink in hand, then go for wine (red is best), champagne (lower in sugar) or a white spirit (vodka, gin) with a sugar-free mixer (naturally-flavoured sparkling water is great) and a wedge of lime.

For kids, try weaning them onto naturally flavoured sparkling water too, or if it must be something sugary then just try diluting real fruit juice with lots and lots of ice.

2, Give your chips an overhaul

Now come on, there’s just no justification for Cheetos! My favourites are the Lundberg brown rice chips that get the thumbs up from company every single time. They are packed with wholegrains and the flavours are all natural. No artificial colours either. Have them with hummus or guacamole for a hearty snack.

3, Pasta and soup!

If the power is out and you’re cooking off a one-ring burner, try cooking pasta, draining it and then adding soup. If you have some spinach in the fridge that’s getting warm, then add a handful of that too. Most grocery stores have some really healthy soup options, just keep sodium and sugar on the lower side.

Also avoid anything with MSG (monosodium glutamate) which can trigger migraines and hyperactivity as well as overstimulating taste buds, leading to junk food cravings.

4, Fresh food

Realistically, you can still eat fresh food from your fridge for a day or two so make sure you do have some fruit and salad in there somewhere! Just because there isn’t any power doesn’t mean you have to be on a strict diet of chips. Skip the berries because they go off so quickly, but kiwis and oranges are two great examples that are packed with antioxidants and last a while in the heat.

5, Easy protein

Protein keeps you full for longer, but you don’t want to be dealing with semi-defrosted chicken. Eggs are easy on a burner (scrambled, omelette or boiled) and smoked salmon is so handy, too. Mixed beans (try Amy’s chilli) and hummus are great sources of vegetarian protein too. Nuts, seeds and dried organic edamame are quick and easy snacks. Stock up on the lower sugar Kind bars (Nut & Spice range) and the high-protein Go Macro bar options too.

• Catherine Burns is a qualified nutritional therapist. For more details: www.natural.bm, 236-7511 or Natural Nutrition Bermuda on Facebook